We’re Doing It Wrong
Parents, it’s not just you.
This whole college prep thing IS harder than ever before.
For the past 18 years, I’ve helped teenagers navigate their journey to adulthood, and I’ve watched it become increasingly challenging. Teens are more connected to their phones but less connected to themselves. The pressure is mounting—environmentally, culturally, and technologically. And let’s not forget the impact of COVID…
Nearly two decades ago, I started my career in college access and admissions, working with top-tier universities across the U.S. My job was to recruit high-achieving students from large urban school districts and support them from application through college graduation. I sat with Deans of Admissions while they made admissions decisions and observed firsthand:
What questions they ask after reading an application.
What makes a letter of recommendation stand out.
What essays and personal statements become memorable.
What red flags keep students from getting admitted.
After a few years, reviewing applications for multiple schools with their admissions teams, I could pretty accurately predict which applications would be accepted and which wouldn’t.
But getting into college was only part of the challenge. Our national graduation rates are no longer calculated as a 4-year goal, graduation rates are calculated on a 6-year timeline and, even then, the national average is lower than you’d expect! As my students enrolled, I spent nearly three out of four weeks per month immersed within college campuses, meeting with students and working with administrators. My goal? Helping students graduate in four year and beat the national graduation trends. The goal wasn’t just to get into college—but to succeed there. While supporting my students, I noticed trends across college campuses, big and small, urban and suburban, that I believe play a role in student outcomes because after getting accepted to college:
The pressure to be "good enough" doesn’t go away—it intensifies.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms develop or peak.
Self-care often turns into bad habits.
Watching my brilliant students struggle while "succeeding" academically made me dig deeper. I wanted to understand the mental health challenges they were facing. So, I read everything I could find on grit, resilience, and the vulnerability of asking for help. I devoured books, spending countless hours in the psychology section of my favorite bookstore.
Learning about resilience and grit, I realized that mental health is not the absence of anxiety or depression.
Mental health means having the tools to effectively manage the stressors we face.
No matter how smart you are, no matter how much potential you have, no matter how powerful your network may be —you cannot reach your fullest potential without your mental health. Resilience and mental health are related.
I returned to school and studied Clinical Psychology (how to identify and treat mental illnesses) and Community Psychology (how to prevent mental health crises and promote mental health before problems arise). I also researched adolescent brain development, career counseling, and even the data behind standardized testing.
All of my research confirmed what I had long suspected:
🧠 The way we prepare kids for college is NOT developmentally appropriate. 🧠
Determined to make a difference, I completed my pre-license training in a high school and then transitioned into a full-time role as a high school counselor. Even though therapy credentials and school counseling credentials are overlapping Venn Diagrams of skills, each sphere is managed by different regulatory agencies so I went back to school, again, for my credential in School Counseling. Still, I ran into roadblocks. Despite the best intentions, schools—both public and private—provide rigorous college prep in a way that contributes to the overwhelm parents and kids are feeling.
Parents, if there’s one thing I want you to know while you’re here, it’s that we can disrupt this cycle for your teen. We can transform the way we prepare your teen for college and shift our thinking away from the tasks of picking a major, selecting colleges, and completing applications.
When I talk about college prep, I’m not talking about applications, deadlines, and checklists. No, it’s not about the content of college prep. It’s about the process. And, this process begins with us - the adults.
When college prep is done right:
teens aren’t struggling because the process makes sense to their teenage brain.
teens don’t procrastinate because they have the knowledge, resources, and skills to do the work.
teens don’t dread their future, they are excited about their next chapter.
teens don’t feel overwhelmed, they feel empowered.
Because here’s the truth:
✨ Teens want to feel good about their futures—they just don’t know how to… yet. ✨
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