Toxic College Prep: Outcomes over Process
Examining Toxic College Prep: Outcomes over Process
We live in a world that is all about outcomes, results, bottom lines. If we look carefully at toxic college prep practices, they focus almost exclusively on the outcome. Pick clubs to join. Create your college list. Pick your major. Write your resume. Write your essays. These are tasks to be checked off a list. These are outcomes.
I’ve worked in mental health far too long to know that outcomes do not make us happy, or proud, and often create a new space for self-doubt (can I keep up this outcome)? Positive psychology tells us that winning the lottery is more likely to make you more sad and isolated than not winning the lottery. Winning outcomes don’t guarantee happiness.
Process Over Outcomes
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good outcome. But, even more than a good outcome, I looooove a good process. Over the past 20 years, psychology has shifted a bit - we used to think self-esteem was the gold standard. Psychology wanted kids to feel good - to have a good outcomes. Enter the participation trophy. Everyone got one! No one was missed out. But, then, researchers discovered that kids with great self-esteem struggled to navigate obstacles - “if I’m so great, why is this so hard?” This shifted how psychologists thought and brought forward this new age of psychology that prioritizes self-compassion - the process of showing up for yourself when you struggle because struggle is innately human.
You may have heard your child’s school talk about a growth mindset. Carol Dweck is the researcher behind “Growth Mindset” and she researched how kids respond to praise. The more we praise effort, the more kids work harder. The more we praise performance, the more kids worry about keeping up. At the core, Dweck’s theory of mindset is about the process of learning. If we believe that working hard is a reflection of learning, we lean in and grow. If we believe that working hard is a reflection of our shortcomings, we struggle and disengage.
Toxic College Prep: Outcomes Over Process
Process refers to how something happens. Outcome focuses on the end result. Toxic College Prep is all about the outcomes. When the work feels hard, teens more often than not see this as a shortcoming:
Why don’t I know what I want to study?
Everyone else seems to know what to do, why am I behind?
Why do all of these colleges look the same to me?
How am I supposed to understand these websites?
I’ve heard countless students express these doubts to me - thinking - truly believing that they are the only ones to feel this way. It hurts my heart - truly - that teens are internalizing these gaps as their own shortcomings. Teens are missing a fundamental step in college prep - the process of self-discovery.
George Bernard Shaw, author of Pygmalion (a story about the power of social transformation), has been attributed to saying, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” His words highlight a critical shift in thinking that has the power to transform your college prep experience. The idea of finding yourself implies that there is a single, pre-determined path waiting to be uncovered, that some teens naturally figure it out while others fall behind. We talk about college like there is an ideal college we have to find. But creating yourself is an ongoing process that embraces trial and error, curiosity, and self-exploration.
Process-Driven College Prep
If we leverage the process of college prep, we shift the focus from pressure to possibility. Instead of asking “What do you want to do?” we start asking “What excites you? What problems do you want to solve? Where do you feel most like yourself?” We tell teens that they aren’t finding themselves but creating themselves - actively shaping their own futures through the choices they make and the experiences they seek.
When we expand on what college prep could be, and start college prep before we need to focus on outcomes, college prep becomes process driven: a journey, an exploration, and a creative outlet. Teens learn about who they are rather than focusing on collecting achievements. With process driven college prep, teens can more easily make informed decisions because they trust their lived experiences, not just random rankings. Teens discover that the process of college prep —learning, trying, reflecting—is what college is all about.
I’m a process person. I believe that the journey of college prep should be about learning, not just achieving. Because, at the end of the day, a student who truly understands themselves will not only make a great college decision but will also thrive once they get there. And that, my friends? That is a great outcome!
Want to learn more with me?
Join me in my upcoming workshop - Raising a Joyful Teen: A Free, Virtual Workshop for Parents of 8th, 9th, and 10th graders who Believe that Wellness is a Fundamental Part of Success.
