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Why It's Harder to Be a Teen Today
As someone who has worked with teens for over 18 years, I can confidently say that it’s harder to be a teen today than ever before. The pressures they face are unique and often overwhelming. Today’s teens are living in a hyperconnected world, where TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Snapchat, and AI provide teens with instant engagement and immediate answers to every question. This constant flow of easy to process information contributes to what I call “newsfeed syndrome” where waiting is “boring” or “overwhelming.” This has created a generation of digital natives that is simply used to having the answers—right now.
So, when it comes to the college prep process—an intense and time-consuming journey—it can feel like a never-ending pressure cooker. Even for teens in advanced classes, the process is hard. Why? Because reflecting on something happening outside of ourselves is usually a lot easier than reflecting on something within or about ourselves. This is the concept behind therapy: it’s hard to see our own patterns without some sort of looking glass. Sadly, that means that the skills needed to be a rockstar in the classroom are not the same skills needed to be a rockstar in college prep. The lack of objectivity is one of the primary reasons that college prep is so hard.
College prep is a deeply layered, self-reflective process that is hard for most teenagers. And, if I asked parents to engage in the same process while juggling the same responsibilities as teens — 99.9% of parents would struggle, too! College prep requires self-reflection, college research, analysis and synthesis between self-introspection and college offerings, and then thoughtful decision-making. And, that’s just to create a college list! It’s no wonder that many teens feel overwhelmed and avoid thinking about college prep.
Self-Discovery, College Research, and Career Exploration Take Time
The college search process, self-discovery, and career exploration are deeply personal journeys that are best when unfolded over time. Yet, most high schools introduce college prep too late. But, teens a longer runway to help them find their answers. Otherwise, we are setting teens up to feel frustrated that they don’t have all the answers immediately.
Let’s not forget that teens - at this stage in their psychosocial development - are seeking more independence. They want less parental involvement and more control over their choices. This is a critical moment in their development—but it’s not the time for parents to step away. In fact, I would argue that this is the time for parents to step up and be involved more than ever before.
Think about it: Would you hand over a $250,000 check to your teen and say, “Do whatever feels right?” And then step back, expecting your teen to wait for things to feel right? I sure wouldn’t!
How Parents Can Help
Parents, you have a crucial role in helping your teen transition into adulthood, and that includes guiding them through the college prep process earlier - starting with skills and self discovery. We don’t have to start college prep from the lens of making decisions about colleges. We can - and should - start college prep from a lens of self-awareness. Otherwise, college prep becomes toxic, feared, villainized, avoided…but college prep is actually the easy part. Once you know what you’re looking for college prep becomes a surprisingly simple matching process. Developmental college prep focuses on the skills needed to do the college matching and when it’s truly developmentally appropriate, there is no such thing as too early.
Developmental college prep refers to helping teens
discover their interests
create opportunities that further develop their interests
articulate their strengths
learn process skills
understand their learning styles
self-advocate
These skills are the foundation of the “real” college prep that happens when your teen is ready to engage in college research. Without this foundation, your teen will be confused and overwhelmed. They’ll feel like they are missing something…because they actually are missing something! That’s where you come in. The more you know about developmental college prep, the easier it’ll be to help facilitate these formative developmental opportunities.
Want to learn more with me?
Join me in my upcoming workshop - Raising a Joyful Teen: A Free, Virtual Workshop for Parents of 8th, 9th, and 10th graders who Believe that Wellness is a Fundamental Part of Success.
